Fuel efficient two and four legged family hauler

Your scenario raises a lot of questions. What is the weight of the trailer? 4,000 lbs? And how often/far do you need to tow that? If you'll tow infrequently/over short, flat distances/you'll get a manual transmission/you'll install a transmission cooler/you're willing to tow over rated capacity and baby it, you could get something smaller. Taking those factors into account, what's the bottom line towing capacity you're comfortable with having? As far as tongue weight, I think it's pretty much a law of nature that you need 10% of towed weight on the tongue; less than that and the load is liable to bounce back and forth and maybe flip over. In any case, 400 lbs on the tongue isn't a lot anyway; it's the towed weight and your transmission and brakes that will limit you. And on the divorce front; whatever car value you're carrying out with you reduces the value of all the other stuff you can take out of the divorce. It may not be the wisest move to bury value in a car that will reduce the other assets you take out of a marriage. With that in mind, what is the target value of what you want to get? Do you want to make a lateral trade from the TL (I would suggest yes, unless the value of the new car is trivial compared to your overall net worth)? Is that $12k? $8k? Let us know and we can give you some more precise suggestions of vehicles to consider.

Going off of your brand loyalty, you might want to consider Honda's line of smaller SUV's available, including the CR-V, and as far as new goes, the upcoming HR-V. As New York said about towing, it's what you feel comfortable with pushing your car towards, and in my opinion, both of these would be capable of small towing duty. They're going to be reliable, economical commuters for their size, and going to drive nicely.

Most of the smaller, Japanese make SUV types are going to have light towing capabilities, and be economical commuters that are comfortable even if on a long trip. If you're willing to branch out from Honda/Acura, Subaru's wagons are great, reliable cars, as are Toyota's lineup of small SUV's.