Given your priorities there are very few options and they are very much in demand as you apparently have discovered. I almost purchased a Hyundai Tuscon Hybrid but was unwilling to pay $4K over MSRP.
If your SUV doesn't require AWD, I think the best bet is a Ford Escape PHEV. It has reasonable clearance at 6.8". FWD with traction control does well in the snow, especially if equipped with dedicated winter tires. According to several reviewers the MPG is actually better than RAV4 PHEV. Escape PHEVs are pretty rare at this time but can be had at MSRP of a bit less if you are a good negotiator.
I'd been dealing with almost the same condrum for the 6 months. Although I really wanted an SUV for our "road car"that used minmal gas, I determined that given my annual mileage on my "SUV" it would take me a decade to pay the difference between the cost of Hybrid. So I ended up getting our 3rd Subaru Outback below MSPRP & it will get 30+ mpg on the highway.
BTW my "city car" is Niro PHEV, but its clearance is 1/2" less than Escape's. It is averaging 125MPe and we put enough miles on it that our gas savings may actually pay the extra cost if we keep it 7 years. Its fun being green and driving past the gas stations, but it is also expensive!
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