Wow, this is the most thorough, best-organized entry we've seen to date.
I think you've nailed the cons of the contenders that should probably rule each of them out. The FX isn't practical or efficient, while the BMW and Mercedes are too likely to be troublesome.
There's one possibility you haven't mentioned at all, so you probably have your reasons. But given your criteria a VW Touareg TDI could be your best bet. We don't have a ton of data on them, but what we do have suggests decent reliability with the 2012 and especially the 2013. It helps that the Touareg isn't as complex as the BMW or Mercedes. Its structure is more solid than pretty much anything with a transverse powertrain, and a transfer case continues to be offered in Europe (but not here). Handling is more agile than more serious SUVs like the Toyota 4Runner and Jeep Grand Cherokee (which was glitchy for 2011 and again for 2014).
With any of them I'd try to avoid the air suspension, as this tends to be a trouble spot in anything German (and the Jeep Grand Cherokee as well).
The main thing lacking from the Touareg: an up-to-date infotainment system.