Family vehicle, no minivans

Honda Pilots are 3-row, very reliable, and get good mpg for what they are. They're kind of vanilla, but well engineered. I'd say the Pilot and CX-9 stand out in the 6+ passenger SUV segment. You can check the data on this site, but the Mitsubishi, Hyundai, Kia, Nissan and domestic offerings in this segment won't generally have the same reliability as these two. And consequently, depreciation should be best for the Honda, almost as good for the CX-9. If the Pilot isn't snazzy enough for you, there is the Acura MDX which is similar but nicer.

There aren't really good car-like 6+ passenger options. I believe you've got to go back to the Ford Taurus wagon from pre '06 for a 3,500 lb-ish 6+ passenger car. There's also the 05-07 Ford Freestyle which would be significantly below your price range, but is also more car-like (still 4,000 lbs). The subsequent wagon/crossover offerings with that many seats (Benz, BMW, Volvo XC90, Fords Taurus x, Flex; probably missing some here) are about as heavy as the Pilot (4500 lbs) and will cost you more per year to maintain and keep on the road than a comparably priced Pilot/CX-9.

I'd convince your wife to get a minivan. Hear me out: they are roomy as all get-out (especially for huge car seats/child pods and folded strollers, easy to manuever and park, easy to access for kids, and durable. Honda Odyssey is always a great default choice, but that new Kia Sedonda is pretty sporty looking too. Regarding the "minivan" image - what greater badge will you ever wear than that of being a loving parent? Personally I see them as a badge of honor. My brother and his wife finally replaced their old, tired Dodge Caravan now that the kids are in HS and immediately regretted it...plenty of room fo rhte kids to stretch out, can handle friends riding along no sweat.

But if that didn't convince her...look closely at the Ford Flex or Ford Explorer, both based on a strong Volvo chassis. The Pilot is pretty good too, although it's about to be replaced.

BUT GO WITH THE MINIVAN.

Among three-row crossovers, the 2013+ Hyundai Santa Fe has the lightest, most car-like feel. The Mazda CX-9 is also fairly sporty, but is larger, heavier, and less fuel-efficient.

I would plug in your potential purchases into the mustachecalc.com "vehicle cost per mile" calculator to get a sense of what your various options will cost you. That will help to account for some of the "better mpg" versus "worse reliability", etc apples and oranges inherent in the selection process.

To get the estimated sale price, check kbb for the same (or similar) vehicle x years older with x years more miles on it.

Use data from this site to help you figure out what your maintenance costs would be per year. I can't really give you any better reliability data re: questions of CVT reliability, etc. than what is already on this site. How have the other (brand X) CVT's held up, etc.

You'll probably find that the mpg doesn't make as big a difference in cost of ownership as you think; it's more driven by purchase price minus sale price.

You'll probably just have to test drive to check sportiness for your top couple of choices; it is somewhat in the eye of the beholder.

Just to complicate your choice further, there's also the Toyota Highlander (all 7-8 passenger) and Rav4 (some 7 passenger versions out there pre '13) which, while not know for their exceptional handling are very reliable with respectable mpg.

The third-row option was very rare in the RAV4. I don't think I ever saw one with it. It's no longer an option on the 2013+. Must be a nearly useless seat.

It sounds like you need some good test drives in the CX-9 and Santa Fe, to see which you prefer.

Well if it isn't too late (and that Honda Odyssey didn't 'hook' you), the Kia Sorento is a mid-size with a useable 3rd row. I'm impressed with their build-quality and drivetrain warranty. Kia (and Hyundai) have come a long, long way in the last 10-15 years.